Your daughter is a boy

I knew something will go wrong when I see my dad's health deteriorates but fucking ass, truely yours chose to brush it off.
Child being most pampered one, think your parents are super beings and they will be able to protect you to the end. That meaning, you forgot they are growing old and their fitness not as before.

That sin is mine, too.

My mind turned from okay to almost losing it in a split second when I heard my mum telling me over the phone that my dad gotta stay hospital.
It's only a split second when I go, "huh...why.." then my face turned pale and my fingers shaking. I almost wanna vomit out everything I ate during lunch.
I mumbled something to my managers and I picked my bag and practically walked the fastest speed ever. (so much so that my legs still kinda hurt now)

I tried collecting rationale as I rushed back.
Pneumonia, I knew it must be pneumonia. I read that some months back when the same stroked a dear friend of mine. I was very worried then cos' I do not know how serious it can be.
Information of pneumonia flashed through my mind, bits & pieces.
The symptoms, the cause, the degree of seriousness, the effects, the cures... Everything I tried to match it to my experience based on my friend, my dad's symptoms and so on.

At that very same time, like what you see on tvs, my heart is plagued with guilt.
Period.

You know amidst of all these crazy things going through my mind, I am still able to retain my calm when I reached home. (Except for the crazy pantings and sweats.)
I knew I have to.
I think, I feel I am the only one dependable.

The costs of staying in, the costs of consultations, the fucking loads of everything in the future...I knew it all along but I chose not to think of it first.

That sin is mine.

I just tell my mum not to worry cos' I know what to do, I have money to cover etc.
I just hope I know what to do.

I walked in and out of the hospital. Thinking like a boy, behaving like one, talking like one and feeling like one.

You wanna know why am I so quiet?
Cos' I toughen up by all these things and all thanks to my not so dependable brothers, I am like this.

Tomorrow...gotta wake up early.
Do housework, go hospital, go home, do housework, go hospital.

I am freaking tired...my body. But my mind...working like a racer still